Stressed for Success

I came across an article that struck me (in a devastating, thought provoking, compassion for other human beings kind of way) while I was catching up on the current news in the hair salon.  There I am, with foils all up in my hair, and I read the following heading:

"Gorgeous, Successfull...and Wanting to Die." Great Cosmo.  Real Great.  That's uplifting and definitely NOT the typcial "10 ways to Boost your Ego & Libido."  So, intrigued, I read on.

The article talks about 4 recent cases where young successful motivated, on-the-path-to-success women ended their lives tragically, and no one had a clue why, save for a few Facebook posts or a lonely journal entry after it was already too late to do anything. The article is cursory and not exactly journalism at its finest, but I do agree with the point it tries to make:

"The lives of driven, goal-oriented young women are becoming more hectic and isolated, due in part to a singular focus on career and a delay in developing a serious romantic relationship that can lead to feeling content and settled down...By their mid-to-late twenties, college educated women are thinking hard about marriage and children because they're aware that their fertility will start to decline, yet guys remain focused on casual hookups and partying. "

And I think it is so true.  This generation, my generation, of fabulous, beautiful, smart, motivated, and generally overachieving women such as my friends, often find themselves feeling overextended, underachieving in one area or the other, whether it be at home, in their personal life, or at work.  The constant multi gravitational pull combined with the never-ending drive ingrained in us is leading some of the most successful women to the brink.  (See article on how stress affects women's health here.)

On top of the stress our generation put on themselves, and society confirms, the young, talented,  educated women who are making their own living have to deal with playing the waiting game for men to grow up and decide they want to have "family night" instead of beer-pong tournaments.  Good luck trying to get a man to give up flippy cup for frying eggs.  Or God forbid say that darn 4 letter word.

The opportunities afforded women now-a-days add pressure to GO GO GO, conquer, prove you are just as good as the male counterparts as if the late feminist-movement women are infiltrating our minds, haunting and taunting.  Our bodies are naturally wired to be more emotional than men, to think with compassion and feeling, to nest, to feel a sense of satisfaction when preparing a good meal and feeling generally WOMAN-LY. But if you aren't trained to to be a domestic queen, then thats just another pressure on your back that you have to strive to meet.

Sure, the satisfaction of a high powered position seems provocative and alluring at face value, and the lucrative salaries matching qualified women afford them the opportunity to provide for themselves well into their 30's without relying on a man as a breadwinner.

But when man meets a woman such as described above, it is not uncommon for that man to soon feel disposable.  If a man does not feel "needed" or cannot adequatly provide for a woman as she is accustom to providing for herself, disapproval sets in and men become less chivalrous and women become more dissatisfied.  And the circle continues.

So it puts us women in between a rock and a hard spot.  Our generation has also grown up in broken homes, seeing the reality of exposed and publicized divorce and adultery which in turn leaves women guarded and cautious, putting up walls so as to circumvent the anticipated, inevitable heart ache of giving oneself completely to another and risking losing it all.  So I think a lot of women choose education, work, because they know no one can take their degree away from them.  They know that their work is is a fairly adequate reflection of who they are.  And if that means they are sacrificing love, then so what? It's not like fairy tales exist anyways right, Cinderella...puh -leeez.  I believe this is the fallout from an ever-evolving society focused on multi-leveled success which leaves women feeling below par when they cannot meet and please everyones expectations.  It has become expected not only to perform well in the boardroom but also perform at home, so as to not lead your man to stray.

Deep down, though, does't every career driven woman, no matter how hardened her heart has become, regardless of her views on feminism, truly desire to have a man come running after her in an airport, or to come along side her and sweep her off her feet onto his white horse and take her home to his castle? Disney planted those fairy tales in our minds, and though they my not be a precise or accurate reflection of reality, thats what dreams and hopes are made of right? And at the end of the day if we take off our stilettos, let our hair down and give into love, I believe we will truly feel right with ourselves.  And perhaps even more important than that is knowing our self-worth comes not from the title under our business card, or the number of zeros attached to our salary, but knowing in our hearts that who we are and what we offer the people who mean the most to us is what counts.  I hope every woman can come to a place in their soul where they know their true identity and meaning and desire to LIVE.  Live to experience the ups, the downs, and realize that the failures and losses in life make us stronger.  Life is way too short to spend it feeling inadequate.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed herein are nothing but just that, opinions, based on personal experience.  People who experience depression or serious illness should seek help from a qualified medical professional.